Mass Effect: Valkyrie
by Biotiwitch
Summary: Thanks to the Crucible, the Reaper War was over. Over a year later, most of the Normandy crew had finally accepted Shepard's loss and moved on to help rebuild galactic civilization and begin their own lives anew. But when Garrus and Ashley run into Shepard alive at a bar on the Citadel, they discover there are still a few loose ends that need to be dealt with.
1. Chapter 1 - Shit Happens

**Chapter 1 – Shit Happens**

 _Whatever nerves were left in the right side of his face sparked as her slender fingers tenderly stroked the scars that ran along his mandible, cutting off his nervous babbling. For weeks he'd been agonizing over the idea of the two of them touching, let alone 'working off stress' together. They were individuals of different rank coming from vastly different backgrounds: hell, the two of them were from two completely different species that had an inborn distaste for one another. But now as she initiated their first physical contact with such confidence and certainty, the anxiety and uncertainty he'd been struggling with moments before dissipated._

 _He hadn't really understood what was considered beautiful about human women before, but looking into those wide sincere eyes triggered an attraction he couldn't deny. Never had he stood so close to her before, and now he saw the smattering of freckles on her nose, felt the warmth of her body in proximity to his own, smelled the perfume of her skin… They slowly leaned into one another, intimately touching foreheads, gazes locked on one another in anticipation of who'd make the next move. Unable to restrain himself, Garrus reached up with his right hand to grab her shoulder…_

"You look like you need another." said a voice from out of nowhere, cutting into Garrus' memory like a sharp piece of glass. Garrus blinked and glanced up from the counter to find the turian bartender looking at him, holding another bottle of liquor at ready. Garrus grunted in response to the turian's statement, exchanging his own empty bottle for the full one. As the bartender wandered off to deal with a couple of bickering customers, Garrus allowed his mind to drift back to the precious memories of those rare moments of happiness and intimacy he'd been able to share with the only woman he'd ever loved: Commander Kassandra Shepard, Council Spectre, Alliance Navy Officer, and the only person in the galaxy who might have been better than him with a sniper rifle. With Shepard he'd experienced the best times of his life and the worst; they were bittersweet and painful but Garrus treasured them above anything else. The end of the Reaper War should've been a time of renewal, of new beginnings; yet Garrus clung to those memories because he couldn't let her go. So here he was, remembering to bring on the pain and drinking to numb it away, knowing full-well she'd have kicked his ass if she'd caught him moping.

He wouldn't have been like this a year ago. Before they'd tried pursuing a relationship with one another, he was a lot more pragmatic about things, a result of being raised Turian. Hell, once he'd told Shepard how he tended to expect the worst so he could be pleasantly surprised when things worked out. She actually laughed at him, a bright, mirthful sound that he found he enjoyed hearing. Thinking about it now, it's likely that was when his feelings for Shepard had truly begun. After hearing that laugh he found himself trying harder and harder to draw it out again, to bring about that small smirk that indicated she'd forgotten her problems for just a moment. With her he'd attempt to be a little more supportive, a little more optimistic… not any less sarcastic, though it seemed she didn't mind that. But then the Reaper War progressed and losses and sacrifices piled up. He ended up watching her become mired with stress and disappointment instead. It practically killed him to see her like that, but there was little he could do. A lot he didn't do…

Garrus fought back the guilt pangs by gulping down his liquor, steeling himself as it burned its way down his throat. Off to his left a couple of female turians eyed him appreciatively, pointing and conferring with one another. He ignored them and tried to focus on the bottle in his hand, the task proving difficult with the buzzing in his head. He had no interest in trying to love again; he doubted he'd even be capable of doing so again. Shepard had this something… nothing real mysterious or alluring, but it drew men to her nonetheless. Kaidan Alenko, Jacob Taylor, even Thane Krios mentioned feeling attracted to her because of that something. Had it been her strength? Her determination perhaps? Or maybe it was her unexpected ability to connect, to empathize but not sympathize? It certainly wasn't her sense of compassion or giving nature. Her own philosophy on life made the old him seem downright optimistic. _"Shit happens."_ she'd say, _"All we can really do is make it happen if we're capable, or grin and bear it if we're not. Fate does not pity, so why should I?"_

"Shit happens." He muttered to himself, sounding bitter and angry. He threw back another swig of liquor, hoping this one might just make him forget. But of course it didn't, and once again he was thinking about her, mourning her loss.

"Damn, Vakarian!" said a familiar voice as someone pulled out a stool, making Garrus wince in response to the scraping of the chair legs on the floor tiles. A dark haired, dark eyed woman took up perch on the stool, setting her elbows on the counter as she looked him up and down. "You know, you remind of General Oraka, sitting getting all wasted and miserable over a woman. The similarities are kind of funny." Ashley Williams threw a glance toward the bartender, who nodded at her and commenced with pouring her a drink.

"Did you need something, Williams? Or did you just come to patronize me?" Garrus asked, irritated that he wasn't being left to his own devices. "I've had enough prodding and sympathy from Liara and Tali…"

"I came to drink some tequila." Ashley said simply, picking up the shot glass and eyeing the amber liquid within. "Self-destructive behavior is always more fun with friends, is it not?" Garrus just shook his head at her as she raised her glass toward him. "Cheers." She swallowed the shot and let out a hiss. "Whew! This stuff might actually compete with the shit Vega stashes on board the Normandy!"

Garrus said nothing and stared down into his empty bottle. A memory of him and Shepard drinking "the good stuff" came to mind and he held back a chuckle. _"Ugh. This stuff's too good! Let's go back to the cheap wine!"_ she'd said after two glasses. Then she let out that laugh after he'd expressed his disdain…

"For what it's worth, if I could have, I'd have switched places with her." Ashley said quietly, pulling Garrus away from Shepard once more. He watched her nurse the empty shot glass, her wide brown eyes appearing dull and sad in the neon lighting of the bar. "Cerberus didn't know it, but in the end they did save humanity. I mean, if they hadn't brought Shepard back…" Her voice trailed off as the bar tender walked over and refilled her glass. When the tender offered him another round, Garrus waved him off.

"She deserved to live for herself, not everyone else." Garrus finally said, breaking the melancholic silence. "But you know her."

"Do the job, no matter the cost. If you want it done right, you gotta work it yourself. Want it done? See it through." Ashley recited. "Kind of her rules to getting shit done. Every time I came to her complaining how hard a job was or about someone else's incompetence she'd just look at me and say one of those things." She shook her head before downing her second shot. "She had to sacrifice a lot… I mean she died twice! Lost a lot of good people too. Thane Krios, Legion… giving up Kaidan damn near killed her…." Ashley fell quiet and eyed Garrus cautiously before continuing, "May not have worried much about consequences or morality, but in the end she made those Reaper bastards pay!"

Garrus nodded slowly. "That she did."

Ashley leaned heavily against the bar. "Hell, I can imagine what they'd say if they were here. Well, not Thane or Legion since I didn't really know them, but Kaidan would go on about acting with integrity and all that bullcrap that would irritate me to no end. I'd argue with him that integrity is pointless if it stands in the way of saving lives. I mean the end justifies the means, right? But the ever-dutiful Kaidan would use my religion against me, saying God judges all our decisions, which would really get me riled up… I'd call him some choice words in retaliation. He'd mock me that God not only judges our decisions, but how we speak and act…"

"And Shepard would put an end the argument by telling the both of you to shut the hell up and drink your tequila." Garrus chuckled. He winced again as this time the stool to his left scraped against the tiles. "Stop living in what happened and move on already." he added before letting out a resigned sigh. "I need to let go. I need to move on. It's just… why should I go build up something I'll just lose again anyway? My C-Sec career, my team on Omega, my relationship with Shepard… Isn't it pointless if all you end up getting out of the deal are a few moments of supposed happiness and a shitload of pain and loneliness?" When she didn't answer he glanced toward Ashley, who just stared at him open mouthed, her brown eyes suddenly alert. "Ash? You alright?" It took him a few seconds to realize she was looking past him and he turned toward the woman who'd taken the seat next to him. He examined her, unable to recognize her as the hood of her zip-up sweatshirt was up, but he recognized the N7 logo on one of the dog tags that dangled down her front as she leaned over a full shot glass. "Who…"

"Shit happens. All we can really do is make it happen if we're capable, or grin and bear it if we're not _._ Besides, it's not worth it if you don't pay dearly for it…" offered the patron and Garrus nearly fell off his stool in shock. She turned to face him and he caught sight of that all-too-familiar smirk that had been the answer to many of his sarcastic comments during his time aboard the Normandy. "It might not be some heavenly bar, but here we are." she said quietly, peering at him from beneath the cowl with those wide, hazel eyes. "Hopefully it's enough for you…"

"Shepard?" he breathed, unable to take his eyes off the woman before him for fear he was merely seeing things. After he'd had a few second to adjust, he still found himself stating the obvious and unsure of what to say beyond that. "You're alive."

Shepard chuckled softly as she leaned in and grabbed his hand. "I'm hard to kill. You should know that." she said mockingly, cleverly quoting the very words he'd spoken to her when they'd run into one another on Taetrus months earlier.

Garrus shook his head, attempting either to clear his alcohol buzz or to rid himself of the cruel vision. When his attempt proved futile on both accounts, he struggled to wrap his mind around the situation. "But how? The Crucible…" Garrus began, but Shepard cut him off with a subtle hush, her hazel eyes moving to survey the people around them. "You've got a lot of explaining to do." he finally said, unsure what to make of Shepard's sudden and suspicious appearance.

Shepard returned her focus to him, her expression apologetic. "I know. But I can't do it here and I don't want to repeat myself… gather the members of the Normandy crew and tell them to meet you on the Silversun Strip. I'll be there and I'll explain everything then."

"The Strip? Shepard…" Garrus started again, but Shepard pulled back from him and stood, leaving her full shot glass where it sat. As she turned to leave, Garrus caught a rare look in Shepard's eyes, a look he himself had seen only a few times since the two of them first started working together: fear. It was mixed with what appeared to be traces of sadness and regret, but before he could inquire or deduce anything, Shepard slipped into the bustling bar crowd and disappeared.

"How much did I have to drink?" Ashley asked, turning her shocked gaze to the empty glass in front of her. "Pretty sure I'm not that wasted… I think."

"No more than I had…" Garrus answered as he stared hard at the full glass of liquor that served as his only evidence Shepard had been there at all. After a few moments he finally made a decision. With a sigh he pushed himself back from the bar, wrestling with his overwhelming feelings of elation and dread. "Let's move. I think we all learned a long time ago never to keep that woman waiting long. Shit tends to go down if you're late. And when you finally do arrive, you usually end up fighting off whatever enemy she's managed to make in the five minutes you left her alone."

* * *

Author's Notes:

My femshep's always been named Kassandra after an ancient Greek prophetess from Homer's the _Iliad,_ who was cursed to never be believed. It's just ironic. Her backstory: Colonist, Sole Survivor, Mixed Paragon/Renegade.

Critiques and Comments Welcome!


	2. Chapter 2 - Closer to Home

**Chapter 2 – Closer to Home**

 _Garrus had been hard at work optimizing the firing algorithms of the new Thanix cannon when suddenly the door to the Normandy's main battery opened with a resounding hiss and click. Slightly irritated by the interruption, he turned to deliver his usual spiel about being in the middle of some calibrations, hoping to drive off the intruder. But when he saw the intruder was actually Shepard, his attitude changed rather quickly. "Shepard. Need me for something?" he asked apprehensively._

 _Shepard shifted her stance slightly, turning her gaze up to him. "Have you got a minute?" she inquired, her tone suggesting there was something really important she wanted to talk about._

 _Garrus knew exactly what it was she wanted to talk about. He silently reached over on his console to override the sensors on the main battery door and it snapped closed, cutting them off from the curious stares and mutterings of the Cerberus crew members. "Yeah. I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I've never considered cross-species intercourse. And damn, saying it that way doesn't help. Now I feel dirty and clinical." he babbled nervously. He noticed Shepard was trying hard not to smirk and he decided it was up to him to try save both their dignities. His anxiety about the whole situation forced him to start pacing as he addressed her. "Are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I'm not… Look, Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home." He ceased his pacing to face her, expecting her to back out or pretend their last conversation had never happened._

 _But she surprised him. Shepard gazed up at him with those wide, hazel eyes, her smirk softening into a sincere smile. "I don't want something closer to home." she said, sounding the slightest bit offended by the idea. As she continued she took a small step toward him, closing the distance between them. "I want you. I want someone I can trust." she admitted, her smile unwavering._

 _Oddly enough, Garrus was actually relieved to hear Shepard say that and he felt his anxiety lessen some. "I can do that. I'll find some music… and do some research to figure out how this should work. It'll either be a night to treasure, or a horrible interspecies-awkwardness thing." Shepard crossed her arms and said nothing, looking slightly bemused as he struggled to fill the moment with even more words. "In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction. So, you know, a win either way."_

 _She uncrossed her arms then, her bemused smile dampening some as she reached out to grab his arm reassuringly. "You know, Garrus, if you're not comfortable with this, it's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you." Her gaze dropped and Garrus saw her cheeks redden slightly. As she spoke he could hear a trace of an emotion in her voice. Realizing that emotion was loneliness, Garrus began to see beyond the front she'd been keeping up for as long as he'd known her. It was almost like looking in a mirror: they both had physical and emotional scars, they'd both suffered losses, and they both needed somebody to rely on if they intended on surviving the suicide mission. He decided then and there to stop fighting the attraction: Shepard needed and wanted him just as he needed and wanted her._

" _Shepard, you're about the only friend I've got left in this screwed-up galaxy." he confessed, suddenly aware of how close the two of them were standing in proximity to one another. "I'm not going to pretend I've got a fetish for humans… but this isn't about that. This is about us." He looked Shepard directly in the eyes. "You don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes… but never uncomfortable."_

"You alright, Garrus? You look uncomfortable."

Garrus shook his head to clear his mind of yet another memory before facing Ashley, who was eyeing him curiously from the passenger side of the skycar. "I'm not uncomfortable." he said, pretty certain he hadn't been expressing much of anything during the ride. And if he was expressing anything while recalling some of his more intimate moments with Shepard, it sure as hell wasn't discomfort. "How do I look uncomfortable?"

Ashely shrugged. "To be honest, I dunno. I can never really tell with turians. Your facial expressions are completely alien to me. But you have been rather quiet since the bar. And you seem distracted."

Garrus let out a derisive snort. "How exactly am I supposed to be acting? Tell you what, Williams: we'll see what you're like when Vega decides to come back from the dead and jump you in a bar while acting all secretive and suspicious. Then we'll compare and determine what the standard reaction ought to be."

"Right. Dumb question." Ashley stated, turning from him and facing the front of the car. "Was just trying to see if you felt a particular way about Shepard being alive."

Realizing just how much of a jerk he'd sounded like right then, Garrus conceded. "Frankly, I'm not sure how I feel. I'm relieved she's alive, sure. But as for anything beyond that? Shepard didn't really give me time to react." he admitted to Ashley just as the strip came into view. As the skycar began to descend, he tried for a joke. "Hopefully she'll let me process the situation sober this time around."

To that, Ashley said nothing. The skycar landed with a soft thud and the cab opened, revealing quite a different setting than what Garrus was hoping for. "Guess the strip's a backburner project until they get more important sectors of the Citadel up and running again." Ashley commented as she and Garrus stepped out of the skycar onto the darkened avenue. "What a mess."

Garrus nodded in agreement. Memories of the Silversun strip from before the final assault played like haunting ghosts in his mind as he surveyed the damaged avenue. Gazing over the burned out buildings and torn-up walkways he could almost see the bright neon lighting, feel the rush of the bustling crowds, and hear the loud, electronic chimes and tunes that had once pervaded the whole avenue. Before the Reaper War, throngs of people from all species were drawn to the distractions the strip offered: it had been a chance to forget the madness of the war, if only for a short period of time. But now the strip was a grim shadow of its former glory, and it was currently serving as a haven for looters, criminals, and gangs unwilling to give up their ways. Why Shepard insisted on meeting the Normandy crew there baffled Garrus, but she'd promised answers and he was hell-bent on not losing her again.

He heard the hum of another skycar approaching and he tensed. Garrus quickly turned to watch the skycar fly in close and land next to the one he and Ashley had taken. The cab popped open and he found himself breathing a small sigh of relief when he recognized the three individuals within. "Took you all long enough. Ashley and I were starting to wonder if we'd have all the fun to ourselves!" he called out to one crew member in particular.

"When I said you needed to get out of the bar, I didn't mean find the nastiest part of the Citadel and relive your Archangel days." James Vega countered as he climbed out of the cab. He whistled after he caught sight of the strip. "Well this explains why this little reunion is BYOG. I can imagine the kinds of people we'd run into here." The burly Alliance soldier crossed his arms as he fixed his gaze on Ashley and Garrus. "Care to explain why you've dragged us out here, Scars? Hate to break it to you but it doesn't look as though the Arena's open for business right now."

"It looks as though the whole strip is the Arena…" Javik observed, the Prothean sounding disgruntled about being there altogether. He was holding his assault rifle before him. "I hope you've brought me out here to shoot something."

Liara T'soni stepped out of the car. "Let's hope that isn't necessary." she deadpanned, then wrinkled her nose in distaste. "I've had more than enough violence in my lifetime and I've still got another 900 years to go."

"Should've gone with another career then, Shadow Broker." Ashley said mockingly, emphasizing the 'Shadow Broker'. She frowned then and dropped her mocking tone before mindfully adding, "Then again our choice of company does tend to attract quite a bit of violence. I mean, anything having to do with Shepard means there's a ninety percent chance of bullets being involved."

The three crew members all stared at Ashley when she referred to Shepard in the present tense. "What do you mean, ' _having_ to do with Shepard?'?" Javik asked suspiciously.

Garrus and Ashley shared a look before Ashley tried to elaborate. "Right… so Garrus and I were out drinking-"

"Explains everything!" James threw up his arms, cutting Ashley off mid-sentence. "You two are drunk and this is some kind of crazy drunken scheme you thought would be fun, but it really isn't-"

Ashley glowered at James. "Do I sound drunk to you, Vega?" she asked dangerously.

"I dunno. Considering all the drinking we've done together, I figured you finally built up a decent tolerance." James shrugged.

"No, you ass. We were approached by Shepard in the bar. She asked us meet her out here." Ashley snapped.

The silence that followed Ashley's little outburst was practically deafening. Reading their expressions, Garrus picked up on varying degrees of sympathy, worry, and disbelief. Vega quickly accepted Ashley's statement and was the first to overcome his shock. He broke the silence with yet another witty remark, "Definitely explains the BYOG."

Liara burst then. "Shepard's alive? And you saw her? Spoke to her? How did she survive the Crucible? Where is she? Did she look okay? Why didn't she approach us sooner? Why didn't she report in to the Council or the Alliance? Why would she ask us to meet her here? Is she in some kind of trouble?" Liara's blue eyes were wide with curiosity as she rambled off question after question, obviously struggling with the revelation.

"Somebody stop her." Javik groaned, bringing up his hand to cover his eyes in exasperation. "The asari's questions will never end if you don't stop her!" he exclaimed, earning himself a baleful stare from 'the asari'.

"They're questions that need answers! I'm thrilled Shepard's alive, but the implications of her being alive and operating below the radars of the Alliance and the Council are worrisome to say the least." Liara took the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb. "Maybe the Crucible injured her somehow? Perhaps she's dealing with some kind of post-traumatic stress? Has she attracted a new enemy somehow? Or has an old enemy arisen seeking revenge? What if Shepard's gone completely rogue, like the Illusive Man did when he got fed up with the Alliance? Then there's the chance the person you saw wasn't Shepard at all and this could be some kind of trap… what if it was another clone?"

"No. It was Shepard." Garrus stated with confidence, a little peeved that Liara would question that at all. He went over the encounter in his mind again, re-analyzing every detail about Shepard he could recall. "She said things only Shepard would know of. And I'm pretty sure she didn't go rogue. She looked…" Garrus stopped short, unsure if he should mention seeing the fear and worry in Shepard's eyes. "She said she'd answer all our questions." he finished vaguely. Ashley cast him an odd look.

But of course his answer did nothing to sate Liara's curiosity. "Did she tell you anything? Anything at all? Like where we're supposed to meet her?"

"Well, um…" Before he could answer Liara, Garrus was cut off by the high-pitched whine of a speeding skycar followed by the hum of a shuttle. He caught sight of the vehicles as they approached and barely registered that the skycar was descending a little too quickly before yelling, "Move!" to the other group members. They all managed to scramble out of the way as the car crash landed and slid right into their parked vehicles with a crunch, the grating noise of metal on metal sending shivers down Garrus' spine. Garrus looked up and watched the shuttle pass over head, its door opening to reveal a squadron of armed soldiers who began to descend and land just beyond the skycar pile up. "We've got company!"

The skycar that crash landed opened to reveal a tense, angry Shepard and a dazed, dark-haired male passenger, who quickly came to and yelled something that caught Garrus off-guard. "Well, hell Kass! Your driving skills haven't improved at all since we stopped dating! If anything, I think they got worse!"

Shepard adeptly loaded a heavy pistol with thermal clips, her scowl deepening after hearing the man's comment. "Shut the hell up, Hawke! Or so help me God I'll shoot you…"

"Shepard?" Liara struggled with a dumbfounded look before exclaiming, "You're alive!"

"Not if these Cerberus bastards have anything to say about it!" Shepard ducked behind the skycar as bullets started to fly. "Shit…" she swore, peering over the skycar to survey the situation.

"Cerberus? We're dealing with Cerberus?" James called out in disbelief as he took cover behind a pile of rubble. He pulled out a grenade, yanked the pin, and popped out of cover long enough to lob the round projectile at the firing enemies. "Grenade!"

The resulting explosion resounded throughout the ghost-town of a strip, triggering cries of alarm and surprise among the assailing group. Garrus scrambled over to Shepard's side, kneeling in close so she could hear him. "I counted about ten of them, varying ranks, but mostly troopers and centurions. No snipers and phantoms, thank the spirits, but we'll still have our hands full."

Shepard nodded as she summoned her Omni-tool and triggered her holographic tech armor. "Quick! Garrus, strip the bastards of their shields. Liara, be ready to throw warps and trigger singularities on my signal. Ashley, Javik, and James give Hawke and I cover fire. These bastards are going down…" Shepard threw a glance at the guy she referred to as Hawke before standing and throwing herself over the front of the skycar to draw fire. Javik and James started shooting at the enemies to distract them, while Ashley quickly set up her sniper rifle to start picking off soldiers one-by-one.

Realizing he too had orders, Garrus summoned his own Omni-tool and triggered a system overload in the suit of a soldier he recognized as being a centurion. The centurion let out a yelp and stumbled, and Shepard took advantage of his surprise to put a well-placed shot in the man's head. "Liara! Singularity! My two o' clock! Hawke! Charge! I've got your back!" Shepard commanded as she too triggered system overloads.

On cue, Liara set the singularity, which drew in a couple of un-shielded thugs. Garrus saw Hawke stand up and become a blur; he quickly phased the twenty or so meters, passing through the cars and space to ram into one of the unsuspecting thugs and cause a biotic explosion. He then threw down his fist, throwing off another powerful blast of biotic energy that finished off whatever thugs had survived the initial explosion. "Too easy!" Hawke whooped.

A few soldiers caught sight of him and converged on him then. "Aw… crap!" he called out, ducking the gunfire. One soldier grabbed him roughly and threw him to the ground, aiming to put a few rounds in him. Before he could, an Omni-blade ripped through him as Shepard threw a heavy melee from behind the soldier. With a decisive combat roll, Shepard then popped up in the middle of the small group and set off her tech armor, throwing them all off their feet. Pulling out her pistol, she let off rounds into each of them before walking over to give Hawke a hand. "Thanks…" he said.

"Idiot. That nova depleted your barriers and left you vulnerable." Shepard chided as she turned back to face the group. Garrus caught sight of movement behind her and quickly drew out his own rifle. He aimed and pulled the trigger, taking out a surviving Cerberus centurion just as he was about jab at Shepard with an electrified dagger. Shec whipped around with her pistol ready, checking that all the Cerberus thugs were dead before throwing Garrus the smirk he loved so much. "Nice shot!"

"Shepard!" Liara raced out from the cover of the skycars and threw her arms about Shepard. She pulled back and looked Shepard up and down as the rest of the group slowly approached. "I'm so glad you're alive! You look okay… did the Crucible cause you any damage? Where have you been all this time? Why didn't you contact us sooner? Why didn't you return to the Alliance or the Council? That was Cerberus? How are they still active if the Illusive Man's dead? Are they the reason you finally decided to contact us? Do you have any idea what we've been through?"

"Breathe, Liara… you're turning bluer that you already are." Shepard teased with a small laugh. She rubbed the back of her neck, suddenly looking anxious. "I promised answers and answers you'll get. But first we need to get to the safe house… I'm pretty sure this group called for backup." Shepard extricated herself from Liara's grip. "You remember Anderson's place here on the strip?"

"That's where you've been holed up all this time? Is it even intact?" Vega asked incredulously.

"It's held well enough. Come on…" Shepard turned to lead the way, but was interrupted when Hawke loudly cleared his throat. "Right, introductions. Hawke, Normandy crew. Normandy crew, Hawke. They're the people who served aboard the Normandy with me. He's an N7 soldier I used to run with back in the day. We were… old friends." Shepard awkwardly added when she caught sight of Garrus eyeing her.

Hawke snorted, looking amused by the designation. "Right. 'Old friends.' You always did like putting the past behind you and pretending like it didn't affect you any. And here I was worried Cerberus would've tried to change you! Should've known you'd be too stubborn, even for them."

"Why must you be a pain in the ass?" Shepard asked exasperatedly.

"Because I'm your ex-boyfriend and I do so enjoy pissing you off… it's how I get my kicks!" he said sarcastically.

Garrus felt the gazes of the other crew members land on him and he shifted anxiously. He didn't want to leap to conclusions… hell, he knew better than to leap to conclusions. But when Shepard shows up out of the black with an ex-boyfriend in tow, he couldn't help wondering what the hell was going on. He tried to catch Shepard's eye, hoping to pick up on something, but she avoided his gaze. "We need to move." she said curtly and marched off in the general direction of Tiberius Towers.

Ashley walked up next to Garrus, her dark gaze following Hawke and the other crew members as they trailed after Shepard. "I think I now know what 'uncomfortable' looks like on a turian." she remarked dryly. "Guess there's a standard reaction for the current boyfriend when he meets the ex…"

* * *

Author's Notes:

Btw, Shepard's a Sentinel, but anybody who's played the video games would've caught that. And yes, Jacen Hawke is a reference to Dragon Age, another series I've enjoyed thoroughly.

The dialogue for the flashback comes straight from the subtitles in Mass Effect 2.


	3. Chapter 3 - Won't Give Up

Chapter 3 – Won't Give Up

" _Did you remember to pack your toothbrush? Clean underwear? Extra grenades?" Hawke lamely joked from the doorway to their bedroom. Shepard ignored him and continued folding her military fatigues. "So what? You're just going to leave? Not even bother with trying to work things out?" Hawke uncrossed his arms and crossed the bedroom to grab Shepard's arm. "I know we've just gone through hell, Kass, but don't close yourself off from me now. We'll get through this together. We'll try again together. We can have a happy life together. I love you… just don't go."_

 _Shepard glanced up from the duffel bag she'd been packing to Hawke's hand on her arm. She wanted more than anything to scream at him not to touch her, to biotically throw him across the room. She also wanted to let him hold her while she cried about everything she'd lost in life, everything denied her. Her parents on Mindoir, her unit on Akuze, and now… Instead she yanked her arm from his grasp. "What we thought we had, what we thought we could have… it was a losing battle, Hawke. I love you, too. But the Alliance needs me."_

" _They requested you. They didn't command you to take the post." Hawke's voice grew more bitter as he spoke. "We need one another now more than ever, Kass. What happened was just another trial for us… The Kass I knew would never back down from a challenge. She always saw the mission through, no matter the cost…"_

" _Then maybe this is my mission and our relationship is the cost." Shepard said curtly. Her eyes brimmed with tears then and she found it almost impossible to breathe as she uttered the next words, "Maybe Caleb was supposed to be a casualty…"_

 _She immediately regretted the words the moment she said them. Biotically throwing Hawke across the room probably would have hurt less. The baleful stare he gave her turned her bones to jelly and it took every ounce of strength she had to not fall to the floor sobbing. "You don't mean that… You're mourning, you're angry, you're scared, you're hurting… when you experience any of that you become this withdrawn person intent on lashing out at everything and anyone trying to draw you back out. I understand…"_

 _Shepard scoffed angrily then. "You understand? You're rationalizing and making excuses in an attempt to explain why I am the way I am when in all actuality none of it is rational! You don't understand… you weren't there, Hawke!" her volume had risen until she realized she was screaming at him. She took a shaky breath and whispered, "You didn't 'feel' it… the pain, the emptiness..."_

" _It's not as if I don't feel anything about it." Hawke said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to go through it alone, but these things happen…"_

" _But why do these things keep happening to me?!" Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing, "No not to me. To everyone associated with me. I just need to go, Hawke. I'm sorry." She grabbed her bag and turned toward the door._

" _Kass, if you leave us like this it's just gonna hurt worse. If you cut me off…" Hawke stopped talking then, looking about ready to throw himself out the apartment window as he bitterly uttered, "Shit, Kass go. It's obvious you're just trying to move forward and here I am trying to hold you back…" He slumped onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Just don't give up, Kass. Promise me you won't give up on living…"_

 _Shepard said nothing as she left him sitting alone in their apartment._

"Wow… this place looks like shit." James commented after Shepard had led the crew up numerous flights of stairs to the eleventh floor of the Tiberius Towers. He crossed the hallway and carefully peered over the edge of the shattered glass wall down at the eerily quiet avenues of the Strip below. "Think we'll be safe here?"

Shepard knelt before the door to her apartment, using her omni-tool to hack the lock she'd rigged up the last time she was there. "It's been safe enough thus far. Most of the traps and security features were still functional when I'd first arrived about two weeks ago, surprisingly. And if you didn't notice on the way up, the building is still structurally sound…" The door opened with a hiss and Shepard stepped into the oddly, intact apartment. "Home, sweet home I guess…"

"For a sociopath or basket-case, maybe." Hawke raised an eyebrow at Shepard, his gray eyes unusually bright as he teased her in his typical Hawke-like way, "Traps and security features? You were always paranoid, Shepard…double passcodes for your e-mail accounts, your insistence to check over and clean your own weapons, sleeping with your gun loaded on your bedside table… " He turned from Shepard then and wandered over to observe the overgrown plants behind the decorative glass wall fixture next to the entrance. "…but don't you think this is a bit much?"

Shepard gave a derisive snort. Apparently the whole lot of them had amnesia. "Hawke, I'm being head-hunted by Cerberus, the Strip's overrun with criminals and looters, and I'm trying to keep off the Alliance's and Council's radars; personally I think I could use a lot more security. And most of that stuff is just common sense, something you still seem to lack after all these years!" She walked over and grabbed Hawke's arm just as he was about to reach out and touch the glass fixture. "I wouldn't touch that glass by the way. It's wired with a twelve-by-twelve grid of microfilament explosives and I'm rather attached to those plants… so yeah."

Garrus let out a low, chuckle from behind them as Hawke quickly pulled his hand away from the glass and slowly backed away from Shepard, looking unnerved. "Sure… you're more worried about the plants than the human being you once had intimate relations with." Garrus' chuckle stopped abruptly and Hawke loudly cleared his throat when Shepard threw him a venomous glare. "Oh look! Is that a waterfall? They're all kinds of fun. Does it run warm water or cold?"

"You know I never did find that out." James joked lamely, causing Ashley to carry out a facepalm. James frowned at her and held out his arms, "What?"

"Right… before you two go about getting all chummy, now would probably be a good to time to elaborate on the whole Cerberus still being active thing, Shepard. And don't go leaving out the part where you managed to survive the Crucible blast in spite of being made up of-what? Thirty percent cybernetics?" Ashley said, purposely cutting off what would've become an amusing-but-pointless conversation between Hawke and Vega. "Considering that the Reapers, the geth, and EDI were all practically obliterated by the energy given off by the Crucible, it stands to reason that you should be - you know – not living."

An overwhelming sensation of grief and regret swept through Shepard and she bowed her head in shame. "EDI didn't make it…" she said absentmindedly, thinking back to all the times EDI had approached her with questions about human behavior. EDI had been so curious, so eager to experience the best of what being alive had to offer: fun, friends, love… to hear she was gone practically killed Shepard. Had she made the right choice when she triggered the Crucible? "Is Joker alright?" she asked softly, forcing herself to glance up at her crew members.

"Honestly? EDI's gone, his family's dead, the Normandy barely got us back to an inhabited colony before falling apart, and he blamed himself for having to leave you behind to die again…" Liara let out a sad sigh as she wrung her fingers before her. "Last I saw him, he wasn't doing so well… that's a lot of grief to get through. Dr. Chakwas insisted on staying with him to see him through it."

Shepard nodded slowly as she thought back to a drunken conversation she'd once shared with the good doctor, "Being responsible for Joker always did give her a sense of stability." She glanced around at the crew members present, realizing someone else was missing. "What about Tali?"

"Sparks went back to Rannoch. She said with you dead and the Normandy defunct, she had obligations to fulfill elsewhere, what with being an admiral and everything." Vega shrugged. "I think she took the news of your supposed death hard… nearly as hard as Scars here." As he motioned toward Garrus, Shepard noticed a momentary break in the turian's stoic demeanor and she felt her heart skip a beat. Apparently he'd missed her as much as she'd missed him. She met his gaze and it was as if the rest of the room had fallen away: she could see he was struggling with emotions, obviously trying to gauge just where it was the two of them stood. She gave him a teasing, half-smile and she could see his anxiety and uncertainty just disappear. "She'll be really jumpy when she finds out you're still kicking." Vega finished, breaking into Shepard's thoughts and pulling her back into the reality of the situation.

"Which brings us back to the original question: 'What the hell, Shepard?'" Ashley crossed her arms impatiently, her dark gaze pinning Shepard to where she stood.

"What the hell indeed…" echoed an accented voice followed by the all-too familiar sound of clicking heels on the hard floors. Shepard and the crew all turned toward the staircase as a dark-haired woman came to a stop on the first landing. "I wondered how long it'd take you to approach your old crew for 'help'." Miranda put a hand on her hip and gazed down over the group with an almost haughty expression, her pale eyes cool and calculating. "From my own experience, the less people involved the better. But I suppose if we had to rely on anybody…"

"Good to see you too, Miranda." Garrus greeted the striking woman warmly, chuckling a little before adding, "Still the same suspicious, lone varren from before the war I see."

Miranda scoffed as she finished her descent down the stairs and strode over to stand before them, her arms crossed indignantly, "With good reason. It's kept me alive. And in this case, Shepard alive as well." She met Shepard's gaze and Shepard could see that despite her cool confidence, something was bothering Miranda. "How much do they know?" Miranda demanded.

"That Cerberus is back and up to no good. It's all I really had time to tell them anyhow. We just dealt with a group of them on our way here. They were looking for Hawke." Shepard reported, motioning toward Hawke with a jab of her thumb. "They certainly hadn't seen me coming."

"Whoah… what?" Hawke turned toward them from where he'd wandered to admire the grand piano in the corner of the living room. "Wait… I thought they were after you. As I recall, I entered that burned-out strip mall to find them shooting at you."

Shepard rolled her eyes, struggling with her irritation with her ex-boyfriend. Apparently he hadn't changed at all in the years they'd been apart: everything was her fault. "They were shooting at me. But then they were shooting at _us_. They were initially shooting at me because I prevented them from ambushing you."

Hawke's eyes widened in surprise. "Well that just makes no goddamned sense. Sure I killed my share of Cerberus assholes during the Reaper War, but seriously who didn't? Ambushing me? Why the hell would Cerberus be targeting me of all people? You destroyed most of Cerberus. You killed the Illusive Man." Hawke closed the space between him and Shepard before pointing at her accusingly. "And as usual it's a matter of association! Geth, Cerberus thugs, reapers… You know I've had more problems with your enemies than I've had with my own!"

"That's probably because your enemies have been too busy seeking me out!" Shepard crossed her arms and glowered at Hawke. "During my time with Cerberus I ran into a few debt collectors, two crime lords, and one very angry, very pregnant woman, all of whom invoked your name when they approached me. Apparently someone had been bragging they knew Commander Shepard while they were out trying to make friends and repopulate the human race!"

"Whoah, whoah… _two_ crime lords?" Hawke asked suspiciously. He stared off into space as though he was attempting to recall something. "I could have sworn that batarian and I ended our encounter on good terms…" he stated in his usual comedic fashion.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Shepard threw up her hands in exasperation. "Can't you take anything seriously? You haven't changed at all! The kid wasn't yours, by the way! And you're welcome! Why the hell did I bother trying to save you, you self-absorbed moron?"

"Oh I knew that kid wasn't mine, but thanks for taking care of that. What would Cerberus even want with me anyway?" Hawke asked evenly, apparently ignoring Shepard's insult. "Certainly I'm a spectacular human specimen…" Shepard let out a loud snort, but he once again ignored her and continued, "…but even I'll admit I'm more trouble than I'm worth!" he declared smugly.

"Just when I thought Vega took the prize for biggest head." Shepard muttered.

"Hey now, Lola!" Vega complained.

"They don't just want you, Hawke. They've been systematically hunting down and abducting any Alliance soldiers with the N7 designation." Miranda interjected, finally fed up with their petty dialogue. Shepard suddenly noticed the crew members watching her and Hawke with varying degrees of bemused expressions and she realized just how close in proximity she was standing to him. She cleared her throat and stepped back from him as Miranda continued. "It would seem they have particular interest in those who've been associated with Shepard at one point or another." The atmosphere quickly sobered as Miranda's revelation was processed by the crew.

"N7 soldiers?" Hawke's smug expression had been replaced with a frown, his brows knitting together as he tried to make sense of what Shepard and Miranda were telling him. His lighthearted demeanor had dissipated quickly and he looked hard at Shepard then, scowling as he demanded, "Why the hell would they do that?"

Shepard's irritation with her ex faded with his uncharacteristic change in attitude. Apparently, he could take things seriously. She shared a look with Miranda, not entirely sure what to say. The two of them had been hunting and tracking Cerberus for nearly two months and they had yet to discern what exactly Cerberus' intentions were with the Alliance's elite soldiers. "To be honest, we're not sure what Cerberus wants with us." Shepard confessed, "But all the evidence indicates that's who they've been targeting for the last year. And because of the Reaper war, we're not even sure who's MIA and who's been abducted. So the task of finding them before Cerberus does is pretty damned difficult."

"Wait, then how do you know it's specifically N7s they're after?" Liara interrupted, breaking out from her quiet observation role. "What evidence are you talking about?"

"And how the hell are the bastards even functional?" Vega questioned, "Didn't you cut the head off that beast when you finished off the Illusive Man on top of the Citadel? He was the top dog, was he not?"

Shepard opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again when she realized she wasn't sure how to answer either question without revealing exactly what had happened. As the memories dragged themselves to the forefront of her mind to haunt her, she tried to look away from her friends, to avoid their eyes so they couldn't catch on to her fear and pain. But she accidently caught Javik's gaze and she realized there was no use hiding anything. The damned Prothean had already managed to "read her biological markers." He knew and he made certain she knew he knew. "You've told us little, Commander, despite having said much." He stated solemnly, his four eyes trained on her.

Before Shepard could just blurt out everything, Miranda came to her rescue. She quickly addressed James' question, "You didn't seriously think the Illusive Man was the only one running the show, did you? While he was certainly an influential, charismatic individual who had a lot invested in Cerberus he couldn't have been the only puppeteer pulling the strings. I mean consider how expansive Cerberus' reach and influence was; there was no way he was alone. Shepard's revival and the new Normandy were ridiculously expensive investments after all. As for your question," Miranda gave a curt nod toward Liara, "How we know is irrelevant. Considering Shepard's and Hawke's fellows are being hunted and poached like animals across the galaxy, you'd be wise to ask fewer questions and offer more solutions, Shadow Broker."

"Whoah… what did she say?" Hawke's eyes widened in disbelief as he turned his attention toward Liara. "You're the Shadow Broker?"

Liara made a face at Miranda. "Believe it or not I was hoping to maintain reticence regarding my occupation."

"My apologies." Miranda stated, sounding completely unapologetic as she strode past them to pick up a datapad that had been sitting on the coffee table. "I managed to get my hands on a list of N7s the Alliance is aware of having survived the war. I compared it to the list of individuals we acquired at that lab they had based on Earth. Most of the names on Cerberus' list aren't on The Alliance's list, which tells us Cerberus might have captured a number of individuals before the Alliance could take census."

"Either that or they're tracking them down before the Alliance can get to them." Shepard said quietly, grateful Miranda had saved her. "Or they're dead and neither group is aware yet. We can't say anything for certain."

Miranda gave her a sympathetic stare. "No. I suppose we can't." She let out a resigned sigh and dropped the datapad back on the table with a loud clack. "Which means we're at a dead end! I've exhausted my list of contacts and made numerous inquiries where I could without revealing what I was up to. Unless the Normandy Crew has any suggestions where we might be able to find Cerberus or how we might be able to track them…"

"Why not just tell Hackett and the Alliance? You are suggesting that Cerberus is after Alliance N7s. They've got to have an interest in protecting their own." James offered.

"Because I was assigned by Hackett and the Alliance to track Cerberus in the first place. I spent months trying to hunt them down with no success until I decided to infiltrate a suspect lab without reporting in to the Alliance." Miranda said calmly. "This undocumented venture of mine actually produced results. Because of this I was inclined to believe that the Alliance has been infiltrated by Cerberus."

"You think there are moles in the Alliance? That's a ridiculously serious claim." Ashley stared in disbelief. "You got any proof of that?"

Shepard was sure this time she'd have to confess, but Miranda just glared coldly at Ashley. "Nothing concrete. But I don't take chances when it comes to dealing with Cerberus."

Sensing a catfight was likely, Shepard stepped between the two women. "All claims and suspicions aside, let's focus on finding facts and evidence, shall we? Maybe Ash can go check the intel network at the Spectres' office. I haven't had a chance to do so since I'm supposed to be dead and all… Liara is there any chance your own people are still active?"

"I do still have some agents, yes. I'll see if they can dig anything up." Liara nodded at Shepard and turned toward the door. "I'll also go do some digging myself. Maybe I can still recover some information from my resources… my predecessor had to have had something more on Cerberus."

Shepard nodded back. "Great. Hawke, James… I want you two to see if you can get information on the whereabouts of all active N7s the Alliance is aware of. Just tell them James is hunting for a new mentor or something. Hawke can also send out a discrete warning to any of his N7 contacts. Nothing too obvious…"

"Yeah, _me_ playing mother hen won't tip anyone off. There's a reason why the lot of us were made N7s you know…" Hawke said sarcastically. His expression softened as he said, "I'll see about getting a message out to Elliot… do you want me to tell him you're still alive?"

Shepard stared at Hawke in surprise. She wasn't sure what she was more surprised about: the fact Elliot was alive and Hawke knew where he was or that Hawke was being considerate of her. "Elliot's alive? Hackett said he'd lost contact with his group after they'd volunteered for some vital suicide mission in Reaper territory. They declared all of them MIA."

"They found him and a couple others out in the Traverse after the war ended. And when has a suicide mission ever kept a 'Shepard' down?" Hawke lamely joked, giving Shepard a wry smile.

"Wait, a 'Shepard'?" Ashley looked at Shepard curiously. " Are we talking about a relative of yours? I thought all your relatives died on Mindoir?"

Shepard ignored Ashley's queries and focused on Hawke. She wanted more than anything to tell Elliot she was still alive, even though the two of them hadn't talked since her time with Cerberus. But she couldn't risk putting him in danger. "Don't tell him I'm alive. He'll just come rushing back, either to hug or kill me, I'm not sure. Regardless, any disruption in his activities will tip off Cerberus. Get me information on what he's up to though. I want to monitor him in case Cerberus does decide to go after him because of his association with me."

Hawke nodded. "You got it." He turned and clapped a hand on Vega's shoulder. "You're with me muscleman! Let's shake a leg!"

"Be careful. There's likely Cerberus out there scouring the ruins. Don't approach them and try avoid any conflicts." Shepard warned. "Scratch that… don't get in any conflicts. The last time I used the word try in one of Hawke's orders…"

"We'll be fine, _Mom_!" Hawke rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you people did to her… before she left for the Normandy she used to tell me I couldn't come home unless I had at least three bullet wounds to show I'd actually done something out in the field."

"Really?" James laughed.

"Oh have I got stories for you, muscleman." Hawke grabbed Vega's arm and winked back at Shepard. "Let's start with the time Kass volunteered to go undercover at this bar on Elysium..."

"Hawke!" Shepard snapped. But the two men were already out the door.

"Well, that's certainly promising… Shepard, I've got to check in with Hackett. I'll report the Cerberus personnel spotted here on the strip. Lay low for the time being." Miranda ordered as she followed the men out the door. Liara hurried to the door, her omni-tool opened on her wrist and Javik followed gruffly. Ashley cast Shepard one last glance before sharing a curiously meaningful look with Garrus, then headed out the door.

Which left her and Garrus alone in the apartment. Together.


End file.
